Loss for Words

Well, if you know me, if you've even met me, you know that I don't often find myself "At a loss for words." But, here I am speachless. I love to write. I really enjoy blogging when I have the time...when I make the time. Which is why I am writing (or trying to anyway). I thought maybe I'll read some of my friends' blogs and take a stab...nothing. Okay...I'll begin writing and see where I am led. So, here I am talking through my writer's block! I am frustrated. How can I not have anything to write about. I mean I woke up this morning. Really...God decided that today, I, would open my eyes take a concious breath and be on my way. Should this not be enough? Should I not be able to write a novel just on that fact? I now find my gut churning slightly with anger. This is weird. I am really not sure that I have anything about which to be angry. Well, except the fact that I haven't any point to this ever so insightful blog! But, legiterally...is that worthy of such an emotion? I think not.

So, wow! Is this what I am concerned about? The fact that I am sitting comfortably in my bed (which has sheets, two blankets, a down comforter, and four pillows) with my computer (that is connected to the internet through my cell phone) resting on my legs while listening to my TV and dwelling on the fact that I cannot put words to my thoughts and emotions? Really? I am suddenly ashamed, once again, of my self absorbed actions. And if I haven't said it enough, REALLY!? I say that this time because it was just several weeks ago that God reminded me, yet again, that it's "Really about something bigger than you Allison!"

And it's not like I don't know this; but, apparently I haven't been "Knowing" it when I need to. Okay, so now finally something to chew on! And...at this moment I realize that my discipline should not be exercised on blogging but on something else...

10 Random Things About Me!

So, i've been tagged...by my friend Jamie's blog, and I am supposed to list 10 random facts about myself. Here they are in no particular order:

1. I was a synchronize swimmer when I was younger.

2. I can peel and eat 2 bananas in 1 minute 12 seconds.

3. I drink my water with lemon and a lime.

4. I have eaten guinea pig...and liked it!

5. I love watching the Georgia Public Broadcast Channel.

6. I have a theory for almost everything!

7. I enjoy watching airplanes take off and land.

8. Jamie Waddy was my first friend in A-town and I was her first roomie!

9. As far back as I can remember, boys have never had kooties.

10. My eyelashes are most likely longer than yours. ;)

New Direction

I am not married. I am not engaged. In fact, I am single.

There it is for all the world to see. I have been in this single state since October of 2006. And as I have been moving forward from such a significantly life-changing event [a broken engagement] I knew that one day a post such as this would be necessary. Lately, I often I wonder if my inability, hesitancy, procrastination, whatever you may call it, has kept me from blogging.

I think it has. And there is healing in my public announcement.

I fully intend to keep my proposal story up, at least for a while, as it was a significant event that God has used to shape me to the point I am now. And my broken engagement has also been a tremendous factor in who I am today. God is so faithful! It has been a long and painful road and I have walked it sober.

It would have been so easy to turn to alcohol, drugs, men, anything to make the pain go away. But, with the wisdom God has given me I was able to make the decision to be sober. To allow myself to feel all the pain right down to the deepest cut and experience the vastness of the pain so that I may heal completely and wholly.

I now stand at the crossroad between the past and future regarding this event. I choose to walk, to cross the line, and only look back to praise God for what He has done in my life and to use my experience to relate to others. Once again, God has saved my soul!

Barefoot

In partial response to the TOMS shoe movement, we were asked to donate our shoes to a local Atlanta charity during 722 (a single adult’s venue at Northpoint Community Church). As a greeter at 722 I knew about the shoe-giving opportunity before the evening started.

I had my mind settled: “I wasn’t giving away my shoes; I hate being barefoot in public places,” I recall nonchalantly telling another greeter.

The night began and I didn’t give much more thought to my shoes…in any capacity. However, as the end of the interview about TOMS rolled around, I knew the call to action was nearing and I became anxious. I sat in my seat with a clear verdict; yet, I was becoming uneasy as my spirit contended to wrap my heart around the idea.

I still wasn’t going to give up my shoes.

The appeal for our shoes concluded and the band began playing our closing songs. I was in the clear. My exit plan was underway. I had the rosiest of ruses. I was greeting that night…I had a job to do. I quickly picked up my offering bucket and headed to man my assigned door.

I stood at the door and watched as hundreds of single adults scurried to the steps of the stage to donate their shoes. I was no longer uneasy…I was completely uncomfortably unsettled.

I began frantically wiping the tears from my cheeks as if to wipe away the struggle at hand. My mind was flooded with declarations, praises, and accusations of my history. And my conviction was loud; yet, the voice of the enemy seemed to scream even louder.

“These are your favorite shoes.”

“Shoes are a luxury many people don’t have and you have plenty of pairs.”

“These shoes are impractical for someone who doesn’t have a pair of shoes.”

“You’re materialistic.”

“You already tithe and have given to numerous charities and people in need.”

“What if someone gets them who really already has a pair of shoes.”

The battle continued and the images started to accompany the debate.

I could even recall the exact experience of buying those shoes. I romanticized about that experience recalling who I was with, searching for the right size, and walking around the store in my new favorite shoes.

I was definitely in a spiritual tug-of-war with the enemy. And then it dawned on me, Satan is only in one place at one time. It was not Satan’s voice in the opposing argument. The sad reality is that the opposing argument was my inherent selfish nature that has already been etched with the enemy’s destructive plan.

And then a vivid image was clearly painted in my mind. It was of my mom giving a little girl, who probably only owned the shirt she was wearing, the shirt she was wearing simply because the little girl expressed an interest in it.

My conviction began drowning out my flesh.

And then this defining declaration spurred my feet into action: “Allison, are you saying that your God is not big enough to give you another pair of fifteen dollar favorite shoes?”

I continued weeping knowing that I had made the right decision.

After the service, I strolled along the steps to see all of the shoes that were surrendered (387 pairs to be exact.). I was right; my shoes were in that ½ % of the shoes that were on the impractical side. But so what! So what if they were more stylish than functional. So what if someone was getting a second pair of shoes. So what if no one even received my shoes!

I wish I could say that I gave my shoes out of compassion. Or that I gave them out of gratitude for God’s generosity in my life. But, I can’t.

The conquest that night was not for my shoes: it was for my obedience.

Slave

Did you know that there are 27 million people in slavery today? WOW! 80% are women and half are children under the age of 18. And Atlanta is one of the top 5 cities in the US for slave trafficing. Astonishing, huh?!?!

Story Time

As we grow, we write: not the other way around. God has a story to tell. If we aren't growing then we cease writing. And if we cease writing, the story is no longer being told. We must grow, we must write, the story must be told.

When we accept our graceful entrance into the family of God we take on our "role" in God's story. Actors and actresses in HIStory. It's as if we have signed on the dotted line of a consent form that allows God's glory to be reflect in the plot line: our life.

When we choose to gallantly accept our role, God is glorified. It is not easy. Growing means laughter and maturity; yet, it also means pain and mistakes.

Yet we stand.

We stand tall.

We walk.

We continue growing inspite of the pain and suffering because we know what our courage says of our Savior. The story is being told as every step is taken and as every tear is shed.

We are not alone! Our Savior walks with us; at times he carries us. And he is always knows the number of tears we cry.

The story keeps being narrated.

We walk.

And we grow.

And we keep walking and growing.

We continue writing the story...

Engaged!

He asked. And I said, "Yes!"

I am elated to soon be known as the "Better Half," of Mr. and Mrs. Clayton Ryan Fillingame! To some this is a surprise; but, to all a joyful occasion.

Ryan and I have known each other for over three years. During our journey we have learned an abundance about each other, and our loving Savior, through the mountain tops and valleys of life. God has been shaping Ryan and me; and, through his perfect timing has been unfolding his plan. We now continue our journey together learning to pursue life as one.

On Tuesday, August 8, 2006, we traveled to North Carolina (just over the GA and NC border) under the guise of checking on a relative's new house in the mountains. We prepared to have lunch and then go hiking to explore the waterfalls on the mountain on which the house is built. Neither one of us had visited the falls before and we were both excited about this little adventure.

We drove to the base of the mountain and began hiking. We walked and talked as we soaked up the environment around us. After a little while of walking, Ryan stopped abruptly causing me to just about smack into his backside: he was leading me. I looked up at him and his mouth was agape. His eyes widened as he said, "Oh my gosh, look." We both then turned our heads upward and directly in front of us, almost above us, was a magnificent rock cavern.

The rock cavern more closely resembled an amphitheatre than a cave. We walked into this haven and were in awe! All around us were walls of flat rock and huge isolated flat rocks. We both continued with exclamations like, "Look at how awesome God is, " and "I can't believe this is practically in our back yard!" We walked around taking mental snap shots, feeling the rock texture, and breathing the fresh air in deeply so we could saturate our being with this experience. Little did I know that this was only a small taste of the grand occasion.

Next, we climbed down to the lower waterfalls that joined the "Rock House" to the left. This section of the falls was small in size but majestic in influence! I began stepping from rock to rock so that I could position myself directly in front of the rushing waterfall. I couldn't wait to clearly see this beautiful part of God's creation. Standing in the creek about 10 feet in front of the waterfall I noticed a enormous log that seemed to be begging me to leave my mark in its bark. I heard Ryan come back around the corner and asked him if he had a knife. "No, he said. "Why, did you want to carve your name in the log," was his next question. "Yes," I somewhat sullenly replied. "Well come up out of the water; I have something better," he shouted. As I climbed back up away from the falls I was wondering what was better.

As I reached Ryan, he pulled a hammer and a chisel out of his bag. "I thought that we could carve our names in the rock so it will be here forever," he explained. (The existence of the Rock House had been foretold by his aunt.) I was blown away with such a significantly thoughtful gesture. I smiled.

As Ryan was carving our initials in the enormous flat rock, I was thinking things like, "This time together is so awesome and this outing is free," and "We will remember this forever and we can even come back to visit this spot." Nearing the end of Ryan's carving he asked me to go down to the falls and get some water to clean off the excess dust on the rock. When I returned we rinsed the carving.

While holding each other and smiling we viewed his masterpiece. Ryan looked at me and said, "That's pretty permanent, huh?" "Yup," I replied. Then he said, "It's gonna be there forever, right?" As I began to repsond, in one swift motion, Ryan took my left hand and got down on one knee. As he did this, he grabbed my right hand and turned out the ring so I could see it. "Allison, will you marry me?" he asked. My eyes welled up with tears and I was about to burst. Then, I began laughing. My body couldn't decide which it wanted to do: laugh or cry. I said, "Yes." We then stood up. Ryan looked me in the eye and proclaimed, "I love you, babe." And I responded, "I love you too!"

We stood there together holding each other and enjoying this moment. I couldn't stop the nervous yet giggly laughing. (Ryan said he had never seen me like this before and that I was acting like a 12 year old girl). This made him smile and laugh too.

Finally, we decided to hike up to the major falls. We figured we lost the path and didn't hike all the way to the top. We decided to go back down and go swimming in the pool at lower falls. The water was cold; but, we couldn't pass up the opportunity to add this to the memory of the day. We waded in the water and explored the banks. What a beautiful creation!

As Ryan held me while we sat in the rippling water of the little creek I thought, "This beauty is part of the beginning of the rest of our life together."

Simplicity

Once again, it has been too long; and, unfortunately this blog probably won't be long enough. Nevertheless, I couldn't help but sign on really quick and inform y'all of how much I enjoy my life right now. About one month ago God seemed to bring my life to a screeching halt. That's right from the hustle and bustle of working in the city and living outside it, to not remembering the last time I was in the city or had makeup on!

A few blogs ago I wrote about how I believed that God was steering me out of corporate America and into... Well, not exactly sure into what God is leading; but, I can tell you that he is preparing me for it. God is showing up in my life as that gentle breeze that Moses felt on the mountain and knew that he was in the presence of God. (Uh, maybe it wasn't Moses; but, you get it.) God has been showing me how simple life can be if I 1) allow it 2) settle down to notice it 3) trust that he alone will provide all my needs.

I am currently working part time for my roomie's family business and I can't say that I have gone with out a thing: every need met, every bill paid, and I have been served the little cherries on top too! God is good. My heart feels free and I am at peace. Now this may stir up many of you; but, part of it has to be that I live in such an awesome city: Alpharetta. I know, it may be suburbia, but it is the finest. I live far enough out to experience the calm of rural life; yet, close enough to the city to get my shopping fix if need be.

I could sit with my friend on her porch for hours while listening to the rustle of trees, watching the birds, and waiting for the sun to go down (oh round about 9:30pm!) That is what I'm talking about. I guess all of this was to say, "Get out...out of the city...at least out of your apartment, or any other building, and take note of the simplicity God offers us."

Too Long

It has been so long since I have been able to write. By now, my soul is aching to be expressed through my writing. I have way more time now to write; however, not having a PC causes some problems. So for now, I jot down some key points of my newly well thought out masterpiece and blog when I can. I am amazed at how I long to blog and how well I believe I convey my thoughts. I have always been able to write well (thanks mainly to mom, "It's an introduction adverbial clause," and Mrs. L. Chaney my very strict 7th grade grammar teacher); but, I have never thoroughly enjoyed it. Just something I had to do to get the grade. I also have never been very consistent on keeping a journal. I hated how my hand cramped up as I tended to be a little long-winded in print too! Me, long-winded? NO...never! I also hated having to hide my journal from the vast number of women living in my house! Nevertheless, I really enjoy writing now (maybe a part of God's master plan for me to convey what He has for me to say in a book!). And since my hand doesn't cramp so much from typing, I can use this blog somewhat as an online journal. So for now, this is it and if you enjoy my writing you could join me in praying for a PC!

Be You

"Today you are you, truer than true. There is no one alive youer than you." - Dr. Seuss

Happy Birthday Mom!

Today my mom is 53 and more beautiful than ever! She has raised four beautiful daughters and for her mothering I am thankful. She will tell you that she often feels as if she has failed us, as any mother thinks at some point(s); but, look at us. I don't see any evidence of a failure in my life when I look at the woman that I am. And I didn't exactly become who I am on my own.

My mom was telling me about something God told her the other day. You see I have a niece who struggles with bad allergies and skin irritations. It is very exhausting for my sister to handle. The question "why does she [my sister] face such a challenge," was posed. God simply told my mom, "Because I knew Molly would dedicate herself to dealing with the situation. I knew she would read all the information, get the right products, and take the time for the extra attention with her daughter. I chose Molly as her mother for that reason."

That kind of shed a new light on my upbringing. My mom has gone through some very difficult trials, tribulations, attacks, and choices in her life. And as in any family, the history of the past generation affects the later generation. At very least, the manner in which life's situations are viewed is affected. This is the only logical explanation for why she, at times, feels she failed us as a mother. Well, here is what God showed me...

God chose my mom to be our mother because he knew she could handle it. She is strong enough. He knew that she wouldn't just "check out" physically, emotionally, or spiritually when she made mistakes or when we made mistakes. I am sure that there are times when it crossed her mind; but, she didn't. She fought for herself and she fought for us.

God knew, that if given the choice, my mom would have chosen to go through anything she faced ten times over before she would choose for any of her daughters to have to go through it! God knew that she would share Godly principles with us and take us to church no matter what other circumstances presented themselves in her own life. He knew she would give up her own blessings so that we, as her children, would have more. He knew that she would be dedicated to change and growing in her own life, even at the age of 50 something and beyond. And most of all he knew she would be dedicated to loving us and to restoration of broken relationships.

Thanks mom for being my mom and never giving up. Thanks for embracing growth and being vulnerable enough to allow God to grace the world with your beauty and testimony. I pray that God kisses you in a very special way today. I love you.

Spread the word and Pray

This was posted by my friend Beth who is in Africa. Please pray that God will bring them new vehicles. Also, spread the word to pray for God to meet this need. Thanks.

**IMPORTANT PRAYER REQUEST**

Last year, GM donated a lot of cars and trucks to Dream for Africa for our Beat the Drum and Never Ending Gardens trips. The end of that lease was to be May 28, but they were going to give us more cars. For various reasons, GM has decided NOT to renew our lease with them and as of May 29, both ministries will have NO CARS. Cars are a vital necessity to both ministries. We can't get anything accomplished without them. I'm praying specifically that we don't go one day without them and that none of our plans are thwarted with this minor obstacle. We know all things are possible with God (Mark 10:27) and that He's able to accomplish IMMEASURABLY more than all we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20). Join us in excitedly praying for a miracle. He's creative and holds all resources, so we're just sitting back and waiting. Thanks for praying with us. Your time spent on our behalf is priceless

What's Next?

‘Stepping further out into your farthest sphere of influence, you have something essential to offer the World. It may be in the form of a notable career. It may be a hidden life, well lived. Some women are called to the marketplace. Lydia was an entrepreneur when Paul met her, “a dealer in purple cloth from the city of Thyatira, who was a worshiper of God” (Acts 16:14). Deborah was an advisor to Israel on matters of justice, economics, and warfare (Judg. 4-5). Some women find themselves in the marketplace of the World because they want to be there. It is their calling. Other are there because at this time in their lives they have no choice.

Either way, the crucial issue is this: It is as a woman you must live there. Do not be naïve. The World is still deeply marred by the Fall. Men still dominate in many sinful ways (remember the curse). Women who “make it” there tend to be dominating and controlling (remember Fallen Eve). The Evil One holds sway over the World and its systems (1 John 5-19). In the World you must be a cunning as a Rahab, an Esther, a Tamar. You must walk wisely. You must not let them shape you into their view of what a woman is. You’ll end up a man. What you have to offer is as a woman. Uniquely feminine.

Above all, you must live in that World as a response to the invitation of Jesus, for you will be hurt if he has not called you there. You will be covered if he has’ (212).

My reaction to this passage:

I have been job searching for the past two or three months. It has been challenging and my labor appears fruitless. I was stopped dead in my tracks after reading this passage in Captivating.

First, I remembered two independent things my aunt has said to me recently: 1. Maybe God doesn’t have your job ready for you yet, 2. Allison, as long as you are vulnerable, allowing God to take care of your heart, you are bringing beauty to the world and unveiling that is a big deal in God’s plan (This in response to my comment that I believe God is preparing me for grandly distinguished role/purpose).

I also remembered expressing, on several occasions, how important it is to me to remain vulnerable and not to harden my heart after it’s been broken (And I am not fooled, it will break again for it is breakable in human interaction; but, I will press on). To seek restoration. To share my experiences with others. To unveil my beauty and encourage others to do the same. Cultivating my character, the very core of who I am, is eminent and essential in my life for it reveals God’s beauty and character. It is more important to me that any job. Who I am affects me relationally in the World and relationships, influencing people’s souls, are the only thing that is eternal.

Then I remembered having said that “maybe I am not supposed to have a thriving career in corporate America.” Don’t get me wrong I would love it. My primary gift from God is my scholastic ability and I am more than capable to have a notable career. “Maybe God knows something about the pressures, specific to my personality, that I would face, how they may destroy me, and is protecting me,” Another comment I have made.

The summation of these comments was that maybe God has called me to something else, not Corporate America. God knows my desire to embrace my redeemed heart and to unveil my beauty and in doing so give others permission to unveil their beauty as well. And not just others but specifically women. I long to encourage and motivate women to be the Captivating women that God has made them. So, just maybe God knows that my heart and desires would take a beating in the Corporate World. That for me to live in the Corporate World would mean a constant and unnecessary battle against being a dominating Fallen Eve (And believe me, I struggle with being a controlling Fallen Eve). Perhaps my heart is better protected and unveiled outside of that realm. Could God possibly be saying, “No, it’s not for you. With such a world impacting beautifully vulnerable heart that I am creating in you, I don’t want you bruised any more than necessary!”

I ask that you please pray with me as I wait on (and listen to) the Lord to reveal the next step in his perfect plan for my life.

Kissed by God

Have you ever stopped to notice how God romances us? God has an immeasurable passionate love for each of us. It seems though that we either don't value this concept enough or that we are too busy with the hustle and bustle of life to even notice. Recently I was encouraged to take a look at how God has romanced me in the past and to pay attention to how he is romancing me now (and in the future). I have decided to call God's acts of romance, kisses. These are some of the ways God brings me joy and romances me.

Kisses from God...

1. Two people together in one section of a turn style revolving door. This is so much fun. I love jumping into the same section as someone else. The other person is usually freaked out and I am usually laughing uncontrollably. We didn't have many revolving doors where I am from in Florida. I noticed them everywhere when I moved to Atlanta. At first I was a little scared of them, especially when the person in the section behind me would push too fast. But then, one day I just jumped into the same section that Jamie was in. The rest is history.

2. Breakfast for dinner. I can remember as a child thinking that breakfast for dinner was right up there with cookies and coke for breakfast! There is just something about eating cheesy scrambled eggs and a huge stack of pancakes for dinner that makes my heart smile.

3. Swinging. I love a good swing set session every once in a while. I am not talking about porch swings; although, I do like those too. I am referring to the swings on a park playground. When I swing I feel elated, peaceful, and free. My favorite time to swing is when I need some time with my self and with God.

4. Listening to children's music. My mom always had tapes for us in the car when I was little. My sisters and I loved to sing and so did my mom. She had a song for everything: trusting God, saying please and thank you, crossing the street, and of course she knew the words to anything that predated me! Anyway, there is something about children's music that soothes my soul. It reminds me to have childlike faith. And its fun! Psalty the Singing Song Book was one of my favorites as a kid. A few years ago, I bought one of the CDs. It stays in my car and takes a turn on the play list about once a month.

5. God's artwork. Full moons. Sunsets. Bubbling creeks. Cool breezes. Tidal zones. Gardens. Mountains. Rolling foothills. Giant sunflowers. Smooth river pebbles. Jagged boulders. Pristine sand dunes. Rolly Pollies. Fresh cut grass. Rainbows. Fields of wildflowers.

The Essence of Beauty

In continuing with my bedtime ritual, last night, I read another couple of sections in Captivating. The authors' experiences and concepts are always enlightening. The sections I read last night were on beauty. A beautiful God. A beautiful creation. The culmination of God's beauty: Women.

It was neat because they discussed somewhat of the same principle that I wrote about yesterday. After reading, I couldn't wait to share this passage with you.

"A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that he finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in him, she is enough. In fact, the only thing getting in the way of our being fully captivating and enjoyed is our striving.

'He will quiet you with his love' (Zeph. 3:17). A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of her trust. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort; she knows that we live in a world at war, that we have a vicious enemy, and our journey is through a broken world. But she also knows that because of God all is well, that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace TO BE and the room to become" (134-135).

Wow, how inspiring...truly captivating! This is the woman I long to be.

"This is the woman you are; I made you this way," --God.

This is the woman I am!

So today, I have decided to modify my life mission to include such an inspiring and vital character trait: To live a love-filled outrageous life with no regrets, leading with passion and conviction, inspiring all those in my path, while unveiling my beauty and, in doing so, encouraging others to do the same.



Eldredge, John & Staci. Captivating. Nelson Books, Nashville. 2005.

TO BE

This is in response to Austin's May 23rd blog. Once again moved by his experiences, I was posting a comment on his blog and was inspired to lengthen the comment into my own blog. So here it is...

Something I learned from Louie's History series came to mind while reading. God's name...as he tells us in the Old Testament..."I AM." I AM means "To be." And this is exactly the point. He was, he is, and he always will be. He calls us to be as well. Not infinite, not as it pertains to having no beginning and no end, but just "TO BE." To be his love and to be ourselves, exactly how God created us.

Upon the revelation of this concept about 10.5 months ago I was awestruck! So many things made sense. How about this, "Actions speak louder than words." Uh, yeah! So by being God's love we are being God to others since God is love. It's like when people say, "You may be the only Jesus someone ever sees." This is true. And by being God instead of verbalizing (preaching, cramming, defending) God we have way more impact on our world.

This was part of Jesus' purpose. Yes, ultimately he came to save us from death. However, God sent him to be God in the flesh.

To be God. To be the example. To be the savior, etc.

So my ultimate thought here is this: God created us in his image. A perfect, radiant, intriguing, awe-inspiringg, beautiful, creative, glorious (and the list goes on) image! So, wouldn't we BEST testify God and impact people by being all of these things? By being exactly who God made us!?!?!

Make no mistake about this, You are BEAUTIFUL!

Music

Last night I had one of the best nights I have had in a long time. As a thank you, the 722 staff hosted a gathering in our honor for serving on one of the 722 teams. They showered us with thanks, dessert, and music. We sang (a lot) and danced (a little) to our favorite hits performed by a guitarist and keyboardist.

It’s the music! My soul is elated and free when a song is in the air. When I am listening, and groovin’, to the music that’s when it happens. My soul feels weightless and alive! Sometimes the liberation comes like the slow release of a ribbon on a pristine wedding gown and other times it’s like the burst of wrapping paper on a Christmas gift!

And it prompts a response, an emotion, a healing. A tear prompted by a county song. An energetic shout provoked by a one hit wonder. A smile encouraged by the whisper of a lullaby. A dance stimulated by a praise chorus. A head bang triggered by a rock song. A soul search persuaded by a virgin artist’s debut song.

It’s every kind of music! The freedom shows up in the carefree dancing to a children’s song or the lyrics of a song written by Jamie that have yet to find their tune. Other times it’s in the retro moves to an old 80s hit or in the calm outstretched arms during a worship chorus. It is even revealed during the grind to a rap song with questionable lyrics and the rhythmic serenity of the roll of ocean waves. My soul bursts!

Death: A Season of Life

I was reading the last few blogs on Adventures in Africa by Beth and Holly. I am stirred by their courage in the face of death. Not in a situation where they were facing the end of their own lives; but, rather in a situation in which a little girl they have grown to love has died.

As I read their words God reminded me of this verse in Deuteronomy 31:6, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

I couldn't help but think of the courage that Beth and Holly have exercised generally in their mission to Africa. But now they have learned courage on a new level: The courage to ask God to end the life of their beloved friend so that she, Siphiwe, might pass from this life to eternal life to end all suffering.

I thought to myself how death is not generally a season of life that most 20 somethings have yet experienced. You see we are in the "Life" season. Life as it pertains to new relationships, new marriages, new babies. We are pairing off, getting married, and having babies (the majority of us, but not all). We'd be rich if we had a dollar for every wedding we have been to over this decade! But to stop and think about the season of death is startling. This is a season we, a season that I, know little about.

We assume that we will face this season when we are old...when we have lived out most of our lives. And yes, I am sure as we age there will be a "Season of death," where we no longer attend wedding after wedding every weekend; yet, our attendance will be requested at the funerals of loved ones. But what if that day is today, or tomorrow? And when our loved ones are drawing near to their last breaths of their lifetimes will we stand courageous?

God promises that He will be with us...always. This includes our seasons of mourning. I suspect that we would draw from his strength and adopt the courage he shares with us in Deuteronomy. And I would imagine that this courage is what prompts a peace within us, a peace that allows us to summon death as a deliverer for our loved ones.

Fight For Me

I was listening to the familiar words of Kelly Clarkson again the other day: “I want a love. I want a fire to feel the burn of my desires. I want a man by my side not a boy who runs and hides. Are you gonna fight for me, die for me, live and breathe for me, do you care for me? 'Cause if you don't then just leave.”

Then my mind drifted to the wisdom I had just read in the book Captivating, by John & Stasi Eldridge. The following insight was birthed.

(Ladies, all of your hearts would benefit from this book. And guys, if you really want to know and understand women, to fight for us, this book is for you as well.)

Satan has a special hatred for women. Women are the essence of God’s glorious beauty. Lucifer himself was once so glorious and beautiful and then he tried to steal God’s glory. This was unacceptable and he was cast out of Heaven becoming the Satan we know of today. Satan loathes women because we are what he can never be: BEAUTIFUL. (Yes, you are!) He can’t stand to see us manifest God’s radiant beauty. So, he lies to us and entangles us in the cycle of lies: “You’re not worthy.” “You’re not special.” “You aren’t worth fighting for.” “You will be alone.” “No one wants you.” “You are alone...all alone”

Does this sound familiar ladies? We have all felt this way at some point. We have all sobbed because these feelings were overwhelming. And at least once (probably more often then we have courage to admit), we believed it! How heartbreaking.

And then we settled.

It is the sickness that causes the “Mr. Right Now,” symptom. We long for someone to validate our worthiness. To call us special. To bring us companionship. To end our loneliness. To FIGHT for us!

It is in our God given deepest desires to unveil beauty, to be romanced, and to play an irreplaceable role in an adventure. Like a fairy tale…to be rescued, to be fought for.

But did he fight for you? Or just maybe we fought so hard to attain this affirmation of our self worth that we did all the fighting? I know I have done this. It is time that the men in our lives fight for us! And honestly, at their deepest desire, men long for this battle, to fight, to conquer; it is in their God given nature. And their temptation to give up and to give in is the lie that Satan encourages them to believe.

We must wait for the man who is willing to fight for us! You see men fear failure. They cringe and get angered at the thought of not being able to provide and answer or solution. This is how they often view women: a problem that can’t be solved. They wouldn’t risk the failure of getting into our world and not being able to fix it. So, they don’t try.

Men, God didn’t commission you to do the fixing! So buck up and be brave! Fight for me! Fight for my acknowledgement, my friendship, a place in my life. And then once that is earned, fight for my affection, my trust in you, my time with you. Then, fight to earn a place in my heart. And finally above all, fight to get into and understand my world, my heart, my soul, and once you do this, fight to stay there!

Fly High

These are some of my thoughts from my travels last weekend...

I love flying! What is it about flying that is so exhilarating for me? The hustle and bustle of getting to the airport only to "hurry up and wait?" Moving through the air hundreds of miles above ground without a "safety net" is not at all comforting. Yet, there is something about flying that intrigues me. Maybe it is the fact that I am moving through the air hundreds, thousands, of miles above anything "secure."

Flying brings a sense of freedom for me. I feel so incredibly liberated when I fly! At the same time it seems odd that I should feel this way. I mean let's face it, I have no control over my life when flying. My life is in the hands of two men. I can't go anywhere. They tell me when I can stand up, when I can go to the bathroom, and they even monitor my entertainment.

So, what is it really that causes me to feel so free?

Sunny Southwest Florida

I came home to Florida this weekend. I was dreading the weather as I am six months removed from the hell on earth climate. Okay, so it is not that bad; it is just SO humid. The air is so thick it is like you have to chew on it before you can breath it into your lungs! So, while I was too busy complaining about the weather before my trip, my aunt Donna (from Flower Mound, TX) was praying for great weather. I always knew my aunt must have a direct line to God because the weather has been gorgeous!

One of the highlights of my trip was highlights! Yes, I am a dork...hang around me for all of three seconds and you will see this quirky part of God's creation. Anyway, I have long been awaiting my hair appointment. And it has been said that I look like a movie star [inside joke]. I am so excited to have stylin' hair again!

Okay, so the other highlight was my younger sister's graduation. She graduated from Florida Gulf Coast University on Saturday! She is going to be a teacher, and a phenomenal one for the record! And on that note, my mom turned in her "Mother Button." :) That's right the last bird has left the nest...or should I say the last bird has just "Flown over the cuckcoo's nest!" Yes, all three of my sisters and myself each bless those around us with our craziness and individualized humor! [Picture to follow]

It has been fun times! I have enjoyed my family and my time here; however, God sealed the deal in my heart at church on Sunday that my new home is in Atlanta. God has been so good in blessing me with a new family through North Point Community Church. I am so thankful that He gave me the courage to follow His lead to Alpharetta! I love y'all in Fort Misery and Cape Coma too...it was many of you who helped unveil my wings so I could fly.

Rejected Gift

Have you ever had someone refuse your gift?

It hurts, huh? It's the sort of insult that undoubtedly ranks in the top five.

I recently had someone reject a gift I had given them.

"I don't want your present; I am returning it to you later!"

"You can't return a present. I want you to have it."

"Nope, I will bring it by later."

OUCH!

Too cheap, too expensive, too ugly, too pretty, not useful, have too many, don't like it, don't like you...the reason doesn't matter. The rejection of the gift brings emotional pain. And, in this case, to intensify the sting of the jab was the fact that the present was perfect, carefully selected for the need and desires of that person.

As I allowed myself to reflect on the experience and the pain of the situation, God drew a parallel in my mind. And so goes the revelation...

This is exactly what we do when we say, "No," to God's grace. God gave us the ultimate gift, the life of His first born, only, perfect son. A gift carefully selected for the needs and desires of His people.

And not only does God give us a gift; but, He also rids us of the junk so that the gift is better appreciated and displayed in our lives.

AMAZING!

Better yet, there is nothing we have to do to earn the gift and there is nothing we can do to have the gift taken from us. It's free. A pure gift without any attached strings. It's a gift of the most precious kind.

INDESCRIBABLE!

But look around. Not everyone has chosen to accept the gift. Many have rejected the gift.

And if that isn't bad enough, many of us (that have initially accepted the present) reject it in another way: abuse. We sit the gift on a shelf and allow it to be tarnished. We never allow it to take full presence in our lives and radiate. Or, there are some of us who store it away in hidden closets only to bring it out when we need it.

We cheapen the gift. We cheapen God's grace.

So I began to wonder, when we refuse His gift does God feel like I do when someone refuses my gift?

By our rejection of the gift, how badly are we hurting our father?

I would have to say that God's heart wails when we reject his gift! And the insult? Wow...we might as well spit on the foot of the cross!

Untitled

Social butterfly
Great location
Lots of things
Nice things
Lonely apartment

Fast pace
Thriving career
Money
Spending money
Barren Soul

City lights
Dancing
Music
Loud music
Vacant arms

Laughing
Flirting
Kissing
Lots of kissing
Empty heart

© 4-13-06 Allison G Ferguson

Signs of Easter

Did you know that the Pine Trees tell us when Easter is coming?

Check out this link...

Click here: PINE TREE CROSSES ~ Wanda's Country Home

"Not Your Buddy"

I borrowed this article from a friend's blog ("Sweet Southern Life")...thanks Melissa...in hopes that it will get even more exposure. It is very insightful and seems like it would be very beneficial to anyone who reads it. The article is titled, "Not Your Buddy," by Suzanne Hadley. Here is an peak at the article:

'Women, on the other hand, need to assume less. A woman should not assume that a guy friend she's spending time with is: a) just too shy to make a move; b) thinking she's the woman of his dreams but the timing isn't right; c) in denial of God's will that they be together.

We get it. A woman loves to read into a guy's every action. That's her relational crime. But the guy does her a disservice by allowing her to be his "buddy girl" — a female friend who provides the relational benefits without the commitment.

In his article "Physical Intimacy and the Single Man," Matt Schmucker points out that men defraud their sisters when they indulge in this type of relationship. "Simply put," he writes, "a man defrauds a woman when, by his words or actions, he promises the benefits of marriage to a woman he either has no intention of marrying or if he does, has no way of finally knowing that he will."'

Check it out...

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001200.cfm

Whisper

God gave me this wisdom a few months ago while reading a devotion from My Utmost for His Highest. Today, I remembered this piece of wisdom and decided to share it with you. "When God draws us into the shadow of his palm, don’t beg for the light; instead, listen for the cool whisper of His voice." -AllisonGail

The Truth Shall Set You Free

This morning I am so proud to be a child of God! God has instilled in me my life mission and vision and he continues to give me avenues for living my mission and glorifying him. Last night God's glory shined brightly!

Anxious to see if I had any comments posted on my blogs, I visited my site. I had a comment! It was posted last night. The comment began with a beautiful compliment, "I've never known anyone so deep and so couragous to put such "Memories in the Making" out there for anyone to read. " Wow, look at God get the glory for courage he has placed in my heart!

As I read on, the commentator attempted to insult me and then pegged my words as "Lies and fantasies," and then asked me to "Spare everyone who has come across your website."

Well, in fact, Christ through me has actually spared at least one soul through my blogging and I believe will continue to do the same for more! You see, by reading my blogs people are exposed to the truth. The truth that God is living and active and that he truly works in the hearts of his people. John 8:32 says, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

This commentator now has the opportunity to choose between the truth and the lies. He/she has been spared of his/her ignorance! The truth, if accepted, will provide an abundant and eternal life!

One can distinguish a lie only once it has been exposed by the truth.

"Romans 5:13, -for before the law was given, sin was in the world. But sin is not taken into account when there is no law. "

Sin has always been; but, where there is no law the sin is not exposed. The same is true with lies (which are sin). A lie can only be labeled a lie if it is exposed to its opposite...Truth. So, this commentator has recognized the two opposites and now has the knowledge to make an informed decision. This is awesome!

The Bible is The Truth! Jesus says, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Obedience

My close friend, and Mary Kay Sales Director, from Florida was in town this weekend. I love her. I can always count on her to speak the truth, boldly, in love to me. She told me this past weekend that when she comes to visit me that she prays for God to use her to speak to me and that she never knows exactly what that will entail. God's message through her this time was about obedience. "Allison, ask God what he wants you to do, listen to the prompting of the Holy Spirit and then DO what God says to do." This is applicable to my personal spiritual life and to my Mary Kay business. So, that night after I left her, I asked God what he wanted me to do (fully expecting him to give me an answer within the context of my Mary Kay business).

Brock is a fictitious name that I have chosen since I do not currently (or ever recall knowing) know a Brock and because I do not have permission to use the name of the real person.

Allison: "I am going to be obedient. God, what do you want me to do?"

God: "Go and tell Brock, in person, that you lied to him."

Allison: "What, that has nothing to do with Mary Kay?!"

God: "I know. Didn't you tell me that you wanted to be obedient?"

Allison: "Yes."

God: "Then be obedient. Go and tell Brock, in person, that you lied to him."

Allison: "But God, I asked you to forgive me for that 4 months ago and I know you did."

God: "Yes, Allison, I did forgive you. Go."

Allison: "But I don't want to mess up the relationship that Brock and I have rebuilt. I like our relationship. This may ruin it! I love our relationship."

God: "Do you love me? Do you love our relationship?"

For the first time ever I distinctly heard God ask me to choose between him and something else. I chose to obey God and show my love for him and his place in my life.

I wanted to ask God to ensure that Brock would forgive me so that this would be smooth and easy; but, I resisted the temptation to insult God in such a way. I only asked God to prepare Brock's heart so his answer would be yes to meeting me right then. I called Brock and he agreed to meet me in person right then. I cried half of the way to Brock's house that night. I was scared of Brock's reaction; but, had ultimately made my decision out of love for my Heavenly Father. I knew this was the right thing to do and part of me was proud. The other part of me continued to tell God how much I really didn't want to do this.

I obeyed God that evening and Brock forgave me with a compassion I had never seen in him before. He also assured me that our relationship would continue to grow. I thanked God for this because in the end it made the lesson easily learned. However, I am not too naive to know that this will not always be the case with lessons I am to learn.

God, You are Everything to me!

Paint-by-numbers

I had a conversation with God last night. He did most of the talking. It went like this...

God: "So, yesterday in your blog you wrote about the plans of hope and a future that I have for you."

Allison: "Yes."

God: "And you really believe that, right?"

Allison: "Of course!"

God: "Hmmm..."

God: "Do you also believe that I am the creator of all things; that I am the potter and you are the clay?"

Allison: "Yes."

God: "So, you are convinced that I am going to create a unique master piece of art that is your life?"

Allison: "Yeah (with a slight attitude of frustration)!"

God: "Then when are you going to stop trying to live a paint-by-numbers faith life?"

Hope

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

After reading my blog yesterday, my sister asked me if she should be worried about me, to which I replied, "No; I am great!" So for those of you who gathered that I am in deep despair and hopelessness, I am writing to tell you that my life is quite the contrary!

When we are walking in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ there is no justified hopelessness. God tells us that he has plans that include giving us hope. So as believers, if we feel hopelessness it is our perceived reality. The truth is that there is always hope. (Did you gather the emphasis on the words feel and truth?)

The article I wrote yesterday was in fact an expression of past emotional pain. I wanted to share this so that I may empathize with those of you who have, are, or will experience this type of pain. The enemy persuades us to buy into the lie that we go through trials on our own. The truth is, first and foremost, that Jesus tells us that he will never leave us or forsake us (Dueteronomy 31:6). Moreover, the church was created so that a body of people could "Do life together."

So try this. The next time you begin to feel hopelessness and begin slipping into despair, speak. Verbalize your emotions. Make them be known and someone will hear. You never know; the story of the person standing beside you might bring you peace to replace you despair.

Heartbeat of a Broken Heart

Perhaps you remember...
Your world being turned upside-down.
Those sleepless nights and slumber-filled days.
The sting of the salt on your skin as the tears roll down your cheek.
Sleeping with a cloth to dry your tears because the pile of tissues is unbearable.
The groan of your empty stomach and no desire to eat.
Your swollen eyes that hurt to the touch.
The ache in your back from lying in bed for days.
Wanting to drive off a bridge just to see who cares.
When the only thing that provides relief is something that hurts you more.
The feeling that you can't even take a breath without the help of God.
Perhaps you remember the heartbeat of a broken heart?

© 3-21-06 Allison G Ferguson

I'm Movin' On

This is one of my all time favorite songs by Rascal Flats. I thought today would be a great day to post it as if follows Stuart Hall's 722 "Retro" series. Stuart speaks of how many of us live our lives facing backwards erecting trophies to past mistakes and sorrows. It's time to move on!

I'm Moving On

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on

Liberated from Fear

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”

Quoted in Nelson Mandela’s 1994 Inaugural Address

So, here we go!

Hey y'all! I have decided to give blogging a try.
I always have so many thoughts to share and here I can share them.
This also provides me with a venue to help me live my life mission.

So, here we go!

Every moment is a memory in the making!